Building a good self-defense mechanism 1

Many times we encounter bullying even in the softest form which may make us feel a little less inferior to the next person. This often comes with a shift of thought, many a times, negative making us feel worthless and helpless. We all are created with innate resilience but our experiences, emotions and thought patterns sometimes suppresses this quality or strength. Resilience is the reason you are able to get through a stormy season in your life, apart from grace. But sometimes we are just too focused on what people have to say about us that we don’t know how to positively control and monitor our thought patterns. In the self-help books I have read, I have learned the following in building a good self-defense mechanism

1. Monitoring our emotions

It is essential to ask ourselves where our emotions are coming from and assessing why we feel that way. Knowing what triggers our emotions will allow us to better understand and control our emotions. The next time you react emotionally, as yourself the following:

– What emotion(s) are you feeling?

– What was your response?

– Did it make you feel better or worse?

– Did it make the situation better or worse?

– What would you have done differently?

We need to learn to think rationally to any situation before we can attach emotion to it. Sometimes our emotions, especially when negative, can get in the way of progress.

Why don’t you take the time this week to practice this and see what difference it makes? Feedback will be highly appreciated

I’ll be sharing more on how you can build a good self-defense mechanism as time goes by!

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A lost world…

Our current make up of society consists of people that no longer have regard and respect for one another anymore. The lack of introspection and compassion is puzzling and it leaves me with the chills and fear of the world our children and future generation are getting into. We have somehow lost vision of who we are and the better selves we ought to be. It seems everything is exaggerated; we are too stubborn, too selfish, too self-unaccomplished and have developed an in-depth disregard for human diversity and opinions.

Someone told me the other day that we no longer have passions and joy for others’ dreams even towards those we claim to love because of the hurt that we have accumulated. I am not saying you need to forget your dreams but what I am saying is is that you are an answer to someone’s unspoken truth, wish or dream. What do you have to lose by taking just one person’s hand and walking a path directed to better selves.

Realize that the next person is just as human as you are and that a change in attitude begins with you for it doesn’t help us point fingers. Stop trash talking one another because reality is at some point in our lives we all act inappropriately or say inappropriate things. None of us are perfect but that is what is damn amazing; that you always have room for growth and improvement. Let’s do away with insults, violence, low self worth and devaluing of other.

Begin to nurture yourself with the goodness life has to offer you and the slightest beauty in those around you. Don’t be ashamed to seek help!

1. Try meditation.

You don’t have to travel to the other side of the world for the same effects. Instead, set aside a quiet meditation space where you can listen to your heart. What does it communicate when it’s not panicked and inundated with other people’s ideas?

Temporarily removing yourself from all external stimuli and ideas of who you should be and what you should do allows you to access your own values and take ownership of the direction you want your life to take.

2. Consider the best-case scenario.

We often envision the worst-case scenario before making a decision. But this line of thinking can quickly spiral out of control: “I should take this job because maybe another one won’t come along and then I’ll have a huge gap on my resume and I’ll never get hired again and will have to live in a van down by the river and then no one will ever love me and I’ll die alone with a lot of cats and chickens.” Oh, come on!

Instead of getting bogged down in theoretical disasters, choose to envision the best-case scenario and make decisions based on that. This allows us to make decisions that are unclouded by destructive, crippling doubt. “If an opportunity came into my life, so will many others. My priority is to stay on purpose.”

3. Cultivate an “abundance mentality”

We’re taught there are never enough jobs, resources, money, time and space. Instead of succumbing to this scarcity-driven mindset, tell yourself: “If I work as hard to secure the next opportunity as I did for this one, I’m bound to be successful.” Hear that? Bound to be successful. Where there’s one opportunity, a dozen more await.

4. Resist FOMO

Pursuing things out of the “fear of missing out” is like taking medicine when you’re not even sick.

Life moves forward, not backward. Even if we miss out and feel regret, we have to keep moving forward. We can’t do everything that comes our way because we’re scared of what regret tastes like. Regret is part of life, and our time is finite. Choosing how we want to spend our days is an art we must all master

To view more tips on how to make Major life decisions, you can visit http://fortune.com/2016/06/23/how-to-make-a-major-life-decision-in-9-steps/

Finding yourself

Often times we tend to ask ourselves “who am I! or “why am I here” because society has put so much pressure on us because of its standards and expectations – well here is what you have to know– SOCIETY IS A KILLER! You will never be too good or good enough for everyone– we all cannot be beautiful or smart or have the nicest things but you can be comfortable in your own skin by finding, valuing and then cherishing yourself.
If you don’t impress yourself, how do you expect to impress others and people may think you are being a narcissist -NO- it is merely being comfortable in your own skin. Your skin is your habitat in which you were created with your own flaws and strengths but that is what makes you different and imperfectly perfect from the next person— Your job is to be UNLIKE the next person! Each one has his/her own source of strength; your own KINGDOM/ QUEENDOM. So start to look in the mirror and begin to appreciate yourself and give yourself the necessary care to feel comfortable in your skin– LOVE and ACCEPT yourself so that you can withstand societal pressure…
People will say this and that about you; there are as many opinions about you than there are people in this world. Remember that the minute you were incarnated, you were sentenced to life with an unknown sentence so make the best of it . When you are yourself, you are fabulous and the best you, you give openly with no regrets- so do not fake it to make it, you will only trap yourself in the bowl of societal pressures and expectations! Be you, the best you!

Self-Love, Part I

‘If only I could sing the way she does’… ‘why aren’t I prettier?’…’I should be thinner…smarter…more successful! These are some of the many hurdles that we place before ourselves and self-love. Do you ever find yourself comparing yourself to others and feel that you come up short? It is a temptation to long for the gifts and/or talents other people have, that we forget our very own gifts. We get so caught up in this line of thinking and comparison that we have not inability but difficulty loving ourselves-and then find it hard to believe that others can love us too.

Until you realize…this may break you, your self-esteem, your career and ultimately who you genuinely are…if you do not change that line of thinking. You are not a second-class creation from which left over parts were used to make a lesser creation. You are created with abilities, gifts and a heart to receive and give in love. I believe that every human beings’ innermost purpose is to first love yourself and then others. Of course the first thing many wonder is how or where to you start! For me, the first step is to acknowledge your very existence and in doing so trying to see the very worth in a life- although this may not be so easy especially if you have always compared yourself to others and what they have for such a long time. It is about time you made the decision to learn to love yourself and begin to appreciate your flaws in so doing

I remember being in high school over seven years ago and being in a new place with people who are different in many ways. I also remember comparing myself with classmates over small things like who had the longest hair or nicest body, not realizing that this would all impact the way I see and love myself. It was so bad that I would lie just to get the latest clothes but luckily my parents were very traditional people who believed in working hard for a better future. Anyways, at a point, I suffered from a low self-esteem until I felt the urge within me to find myself and love myself again and not what others decide for me by virtue of dress-code, style or luxuries. Towards my matric year, I began soul searching and with the support of friends and family, I slowly began to uncover the real me and doing so, learned to love myself. There were a variety of things I had to do during that journey, which i will share over the next couple of weeks.

I know those that find my post intriguing will find it useful and for those that do decide to walk with me should take note that it is not entirely an easy process and will require a commitment to self and an eagerness to be comfortable in their own skin. As you reflect on this and the meaning around self-love, I leave you with this:

“Don’t rely on someone else for your happiness and self-worth. Only you can be responsible for that. If you can’t love and respect yourself – no one else will be able to make that happen. Accept who you are – completely; the good and the bad – and make changes as YOU see fit – not because you think someone else wants you to be different.
– Stacey Charter

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